Children & Communication

You know communication is hard between adults. I mean things can get twisted and misunderstood, but usually as adults we can figure out what to say, how to say it and how to take what someone is saying.  But the communication between adults and children I believe is the hardest.  You have to make sure that you are communicating not only in an effective manner but in a way that is not demeaning the child or hurting them in any way.  After all we are not really raising children we are raising adults.

As I sat and watched a conversation between an adult and a child, I saw the worst coming.  I saw it go from a simple conversation to a complex one with many different layers.  Not only did it get heated it became the highlight of the day filled with anger, hurtful words and sadness.

Now you know back in the day when we were kids we were always told that we should be seen not heard.  That we should stay in a child's place and never engage in adult conversation. As children we were often treated as second class citizens in the family with no voice and no feelings.  The way we were treated we often tend to treat our children. Not because it is right but because it is all we know and have experienced.

Well times have changed and the tactics used to raise us, although they worked for us, are not always the tactics that can be used for our own children or grandchildren.  Often times we attempt to discipline our child with outdated tactics and unresolved childhood issues that harbor in us.  We use poor communication to converse with our children and get angry when our children rebel against those tactics.  We yell, scream, curse, use hurtful words in demonic tones only to receive the same back from our children.

After witnessing this exchange, I had to step back and really evaluate the levels of communication that we all share with our children or children that we interact with. I realized that we as adults who still use these antiquated tactics, are only hurting the child that we so gracefully use them on.  Not only are we training them to communicate inappropriately with others but we are hindering that child in their growth mentally and emotionally.   It is not ok to yell and scream and cuss and fuss and call a child names. It is never ok to be so angry at a child that you have no idea what you are saying and how it affects that child. It's not ok to use the same language you would use with an adult with a child. At some point and time we must realize that children are so impressionable and will become the adults that they see us be. It serves us no good to not be in control of our own feelings of anger to a child. We hurt ourselves and damage our children in the process.

You know as I viewed the exchange I waited until they were done and walked up to the adult and asked why.  She said why what? I proceeded to ask her why are you damaging your child with such horrible talk and negative acts. She kind of caught a little tude and said that is what worked with her. Well we had a long conversation afterwards about the art of communication with children. I know I am nosey and sometimes I get in business I shouldn't get into but the communication between the two really irked me.

I have to say communication is important in any relationship. Including the relationship you have with your children. We must remember  that we are not raising children, that would be very easy, we are raising adults. What we do they will see and ultimately become.  If we lose our cool and show our anger incorrectly most likely our children will follow. It's time to reassess how we are relating to our children and what we allow ourselves to say and do to them. Abuse can come in the form of your communication Don't wait until it is too late when your child feels so unloved that they want to run away or commit suicide. Take the time to talk to your children and most importantly listen you will be amazed at what  you will find out and how their lives and interaction with you will change.

Be Blessed, Be Encouraged & Be a Blessing,
Racquel